HAVE YOU TRULY FELT SEEN LATELY?
Don't you just wonder sometimes if you are invisible in this world? Do feel like sometimes no one is actually listening to you?
There are times when I find the courage to really say what is on my mind and I look at the person I am talking to and they are looking at their phones, or around the room. I don't even know if they realize how rude they are, or the impact they are having on me...
I didn't even know what it was like to be really listened to until I was in my twenties! The first time I actually experienced someone listening to me, it was absolutely shocking to me. I was having a conversation with a young guy that I had just met and he asked me a question, then leaned in. I actually pulled back -- honestly, I had never experienced this before. It was then that I realized that this had been missing from most of my life!!
I get it, we are all busy, but from that one experience, I can tell you that it is wonderful to know that the person you are talking to is actually listening. This one conversation helped me in my career in human resources. I tried to make sure I leaned in to listen to anyone who came to talk to me. I didn't have to have all the answers for them. For the most part, they just wanted to say whatever was on their mind and be heard.
This is especially important for children. I read advice somewhere that your child should see you light up as soon as they enter the room. So true. They are watching for it, and when you make sure that you see them and actually listen to them, watch them light up!! I wish I had been better at this...
My experience in human resources also taught me well that people just want to be part of something, to be acknowledged, to be appreciated, heard, and seen. People work hard, and from what I have seen, receive very little acknowledgement of their contributions. When I heard something good about someone, I told them. They would light up!
What about you? Do you know what I mean? Have you been told lately that you mattered, that something you did helped another?
I have spent so much of my life trying to figure out what my boss wanted, what friends wanted, what my family needed; all the while thinking I wasn't measuring up to any of them. I was taught young, that I needed to behave the right way to keep my father from getting angry. Was I ever told what his expectations were? No. On the upside, this taught me to be really perceptive which helped a lot in my career. On the downside, it taught me that I wasn't good enough unless I made someone else happy.
It has taken me years, but what I now try and see is what I believe I am doing right for me. Self-love... I didn't even understand what that meant or how to go about loving myself. I actually love who I am. Am I a work in progress? Yes! And that is okay! Do I have to remind myself to NOT see myself through everyone else's eyes? Yes! It is only perception anyways.
We can change by starting with ourselves...
Pay attention to how you are listening to your family, friends and co-workers. Listen, really listen. Tell them when you like something they are doing, comfort them when they need it... lean in when you listen.
Making feelings visible - the reason Say it With Words was created
I created my business because I saw the need of so many just to be seen and appreciated. Yes, and at times comforted. The past few years have isolated us, made us afraid, unsure of the future but it has also shown us how much the people in our lives really do matter to us. Many of us have experienced profound loss.
The quotes I use began with ones that I loved, or created but have grown to become more custom words written by my customers to the special people in their lives. Some have been the handwritten words of someone who has passed, and many include photos of special memories shared.
Our blankets provide comfort, show sympathy, send hugs, show gratitude, and appreciate special friendships. I hear so many stories of babies born still, children left with no parents, the loss of family. I do cry along with my customers, but then there are also happy moments shared, gratitude shown for the work someone did, or the comfort they provided their family members, wedding celebrations, best friends... Everyone and every moment is precious...
And then came the greeting cards...
I send a handwritten note with each blanket, and the comments I have received from customers saying that my note came at just the right moment and were needed more than I knew, led me to create digital, downloadable greeting cards. I have so many beautiful words that my customers have told me I could share, and the greeting cards provide an affordable way to share with more people.
A simple white piece of paper with a handwritten note (or hand printed nowadays) is all that is needed to brighten someone's day. If there is someone in your life that you are grateful for, or see struggling, or share a wonderful memory with? Drop them a handwritten note. You will be surprised how much it will mean to them.
What are your thoughts? Please share -- we would all love to hear them.
Deborah MacDougall
Say it With Words